honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
