He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
do herpes really smell.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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