I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
