so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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