I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
