As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
