I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize