I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
