i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
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