My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
