Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Randomize
