I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I could have mohawked her pubes.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Ladies don't puke and tell
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Randomize
