So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
