One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
