Sry I called you an 8
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
