i will never coherently bang her
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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