note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
that may or may not have been my penis.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
