Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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