ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
