this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
