He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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