I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
This girl is more easily done than said...
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
