I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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