i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
