worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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