took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
