I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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