I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
