paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
