are you still at the devil's house?
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
