I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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