before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize