the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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