It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
