Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
