and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
They took my balls.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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