Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
