I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
