I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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