we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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