you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Never let your siblings swipe right.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
