So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
foreskin is a definite game changer
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
