I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
