Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
