Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
