that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
There r osticjed everywhere
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
