she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I did not marry a roomba.
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