yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I think weed is turning my hair brown
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
