My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
