So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
