Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Randomize
