1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
