well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize