Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
