i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
