I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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