break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
