Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
