U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize