this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
