I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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