I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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