We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Randomize
