maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
