Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
