whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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