he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
