i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
