He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Randomize
