At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
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