Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
