I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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