Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
