if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize